1
00:00:01,040 --> 00:00:07,640
It seems today that all you see is
violence in movies and sex on TV.

2
00:00:07,980 --> 00:00:13,140
But where are those good old Christian
values on which we used to rely?

3
00:00:14,560 --> 00:00:16,700
Lucky there's a family guy.

4
00:00:17,940 --> 00:00:23,760
Lucky there's a man who finds a new man
who all the days we wake up laugh and

5
00:00:23,760 --> 00:00:28,340
cry. He's a family guy.

6
00:00:30,990 --> 00:00:35,170
Here at Family Guy, about every ten
years or so, we do an episode called

7
00:00:35,170 --> 00:00:39,350
Mail, where we try out story ideas that
fans have submitted in the mail. Lately,

8
00:00:39,350 --> 00:00:43,630
we've been getting a lot of DMs from
fans asking what mail is, and also

9
00:00:43,630 --> 00:00:44,870
suggesting story ideas.

10
00:00:45,130 --> 00:00:46,970
Like this one from Viewer Derek.

11
00:00:47,290 --> 00:00:51,110
It's usually dudes. Who writes, didn't
Chris used to wear an earring one time?

12
00:00:51,150 --> 00:00:52,069
Where'd it go?

13
00:00:52,070 --> 00:00:55,670
Well, Derek, thank you for your
question. And as it happens, we have an

14
00:00:55,670 --> 00:00:56,249
for you.

15
00:00:56,250 --> 00:01:00,290
An answer in the form of three epic
films crammed into six minutes. Enjoy!

16
00:01:06,450 --> 00:01:09,330
It all began in the land of Mordor.

17
00:01:09,710 --> 00:01:15,430
Forged in the fires of Spencer's gifts,
Sauron created the one earring to rule

18
00:01:15,430 --> 00:01:16,329
them all.

19
00:01:16,330 --> 00:01:21,870
What followed was a massive war of elves
and orcs that will someday cost Amazon

20
00:01:21,870 --> 00:01:23,950
Studios two billion dollars.

21
00:01:24,460 --> 00:01:26,700
just to get review bombed by racists.

22
00:01:26,960 --> 00:01:28,740
And also, this happened.

23
00:01:36,940 --> 00:01:38,320
Call of gardening.

24
00:01:38,960 --> 00:01:40,320
Modern shrubbery, begin.

25
00:01:40,980 --> 00:01:44,400
Yeah, awesome. I'm growing the crap out
of this fruit.

26
00:01:44,640 --> 00:01:46,300
You have unlocked Barley.

27
00:01:46,580 --> 00:01:50,260
Sweet. I'll share it with my neighbors,
because hobbits are a friendly, peaceful

28
00:01:50,260 --> 00:01:54,580
folk you can root for. Also, the last
people who would ever go on an

29
00:01:54,760 --> 00:01:55,760
that's for sure.

30
00:01:56,140 --> 00:01:58,380
Frodo, I need you to go on an adventure.

31
00:01:58,780 --> 00:02:03,900
It's a very heterosexual quest, with
guys who call each other my dear a lot.

32
00:02:04,270 --> 00:02:08,270
Where's your season one earring? Hang
on, Gandalf. I think I got it here

33
00:02:08,270 --> 00:02:11,230
somewhere. Sorry my hobbit hole is so
tight.

34
00:02:12,110 --> 00:02:14,650
But it's the hole I was given at birth.

35
00:02:14,930 --> 00:02:17,770
Just, uh, just get that earring, please.

36
00:02:18,170 --> 00:02:20,850
The truth is, my hole doesn't get many
visitors.

37
00:02:21,750 --> 00:02:24,390
How we doing on that earring?

38
00:02:24,610 --> 00:02:25,610
Here it is.

39
00:02:26,710 --> 00:02:30,850
Oh, and it's hissing some kind of devil
talk at me. And there's stuff on here

40
00:02:30,850 --> 00:02:32,910
about unlimited dark power.

41
00:02:34,140 --> 00:02:38,480
Go pack your underthings while I
practice saying, you shall not pass in

42
00:02:38,480 --> 00:02:39,480
mirror.

43
00:02:44,880 --> 00:02:48,800
Thank you, everyone, for coming to the
Council of Elrond, a meeting that I

44
00:02:48,800 --> 00:02:50,300
called and then named after myself.

45
00:02:50,950 --> 00:02:55,490
Cool. If there's one thing that's
awesome to show in a big action movie,

46
00:02:55,490 --> 00:02:59,290
meetings. Where are we on the agenda, by
the way? And also, what's the Wi -Fi

47
00:02:59,290 --> 00:03:01,270
password? Just use Rivendell Public.

48
00:03:01,570 --> 00:03:04,690
Okay, is that what you're on? Don't
worry about what I'm on. Use Rivendell

49
00:03:04,690 --> 00:03:06,950
Public. I feel like you're probably on a
faster one.

50
00:03:07,150 --> 00:03:11,230
Look, we're here because Frodo has the
One Earring, and it must be destroyed by

51
00:03:11,230 --> 00:03:14,850
returning it from whence it came, into
the fires of Mount Doom.

52
00:03:15,210 --> 00:03:17,430
Yeah, Rivendell Public is super slow,
man.

53
00:03:17,710 --> 00:03:20,830
Anyway, you guys have to help Frodo get
there. I think we're all in agreement

54
00:03:20,830 --> 00:03:25,110
that one simply walks into Mordor. But
aren't there... I like that reference,

55
00:03:25,110 --> 00:03:29,670
the way. Aren't there giant eagles in
Middle -earth? Can't Gandalf just fly me

56
00:03:29,670 --> 00:03:31,610
to Mordor on a giant eagle?

57
00:03:31,930 --> 00:03:35,790
No, you gotta walk. Hey, I like being
part of this group, but I don't like

58
00:03:35,790 --> 00:03:38,610
y 'all put your backpacks on my lap. I'm
not a chair.

59
00:03:38,850 --> 00:03:41,490
I'm... I'm kind of a chair.

60
00:03:49,540 --> 00:03:51,980
Thanks for escorting me to Mordor,
everyone.

61
00:03:52,320 --> 00:03:55,980
You bet. And what's great is that since
the soundtrack in these films is so

62
00:03:55,980 --> 00:03:59,060
forgettable, we can basically run any
movie music we want here.

63
00:04:07,540 --> 00:04:08,540
Well,

64
00:04:13,400 --> 00:04:14,400
you're on your own from here.

65
00:04:14,640 --> 00:04:17,060
What? You're leaving Viggo Mortensen?

66
00:04:17,459 --> 00:04:20,519
Yeah, sorry, I gotta go be in two more
things and then no more things.

67
00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:25,200
I'll also have to leave, but not to go
check in with my parole officer, if

68
00:04:25,200 --> 00:04:26,200
that's what you're wondering.

69
00:04:26,500 --> 00:04:30,040
Yeah, and my beer kinda got caught in
the spokes. I think I have to unspool it

70
00:04:30,040 --> 00:04:31,740
all the way back to where we started.

71
00:04:32,280 --> 00:04:33,960
Ah, that's worse.

72
00:04:34,200 --> 00:04:37,780
And I can only poop in my own apartment
in Lothlorien. Didn't know we were gonna

73
00:04:37,780 --> 00:04:38,780
be out this long.

74
00:04:41,740 --> 00:04:43,980
Oh, hey, I can tag along with you and
the precious.

75
00:04:44,200 --> 00:04:47,600
I mean, that earring that I don't have
big feelings about one way or the other.

76
00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:50,500
Friggin' great. So how do we get there?

77
00:04:50,740 --> 00:04:51,740
Well, let's check the map.

78
00:04:52,260 --> 00:04:55,260
This, um, this map is not very detailed.

79
00:04:55,520 --> 00:05:00,260
Okay. No, seriously, why are there no
roads? And I guess these three wavy

80
00:05:00,260 --> 00:05:02,200
are supposed to indicate a lake?

81
00:05:02,440 --> 00:05:07,160
I mean, there's really no detail on
here. This is basically a child's menu.

82
00:05:07,160 --> 00:05:10,780
would be helped by this? Look, this is
the map, okay? At least we know...

83
00:05:11,130 --> 00:05:12,170
We go that way.

84
00:05:15,310 --> 00:05:18,750
Why is they playing the theme from
Stripe Zone, my precious?

85
00:05:19,050 --> 00:05:21,970
It's just... It's just a joke from
earlier.

86
00:05:23,010 --> 00:05:23,989
Thanks, map.

87
00:05:23,990 --> 00:05:25,870
Thanks, great detailed map.

88
00:05:26,270 --> 00:05:30,590
All right, listen. I wanted to keep this
a secret, but I do know a shortcut into

89
00:05:30,590 --> 00:05:32,670
Mordor. What? Where is it?

90
00:05:35,570 --> 00:05:39,230
You just go through that tunnel. See
where it says Giant Spider Hole?

91
00:05:40,460 --> 00:05:44,460
Is a giant spider in there? No, that's
just some kids messing around.

92
00:05:53,540 --> 00:05:54,540
I'm this!

93
00:05:55,520 --> 00:05:56,540
Ah, Rick.

94
00:05:58,460 --> 00:06:00,940
What the hell, man? You tried to get me
killed!

95
00:06:01,420 --> 00:06:05,180
That's it. I'm only giving you 14 more
chances, and then you can't be in my

96
00:06:05,180 --> 00:06:06,180
quest anymore.

97
00:06:14,640 --> 00:06:15,619
There it is.

98
00:06:15,620 --> 00:06:16,620
Mount Doom.

99
00:06:16,880 --> 00:06:20,840
Yeah, but how are we supposed to get
there? This valley's full of trolls and

100
00:06:20,840 --> 00:06:26,620
orcs and, oh, God, morgue from orcs.
Ladies and gentlemen, Elvish Presley.

101
00:06:26,940 --> 00:06:29,780
Don't be cruel to the hobbit's crew.

102
00:06:30,320 --> 00:06:31,380
Thank you, girl. Thank you very much.

103
00:06:32,100 --> 00:06:34,360
Gandalf the Gray or Gandalf the Gay.

104
00:06:34,580 --> 00:06:37,280
Hey, watch where you put that staff,
mister.

105
00:06:39,160 --> 00:06:41,140
I can't go on.

106
00:06:41,500 --> 00:06:45,600
I'm exhausted from all the riffing.
Plus, he did a gay voice, and that's not

107
00:06:45,600 --> 00:06:46,600
okay anymore.

108
00:06:46,680 --> 00:06:51,200
It's over, Gollum. We're not going to
make it. We're all alone, and our path

109
00:06:51,200 --> 00:06:55,260
blocked. And I forgot to turn on my step
counter before we left the Shire.

110
00:06:55,380 --> 00:06:58,900
Perfect. We could probably estimate it.
Oh, what, using the map?

111
00:06:59,160 --> 00:07:01,260
All right, if you're going to keep being
like this, I don't want to be your

112
00:07:01,260 --> 00:07:02,199
quest buddy.

113
00:07:02,200 --> 00:07:03,260
Wait, look.

114
00:07:06,860 --> 00:07:08,780
Where are all the Robin Williams' going?

115
00:07:09,100 --> 00:07:12,640
I wonder if maybe there are some private
school kids somewhere not seizing the

116
00:07:12,640 --> 00:07:15,860
day. Oh, Sauron, my Sauron. Okay, yeah,
I think it's that.

117
00:07:18,520 --> 00:07:23,280
Should I watch these hobbits who are
probably coming to destroy me?

118
00:07:23,720 --> 00:07:25,540
Oh, Galadriel's showering.

119
00:07:30,430 --> 00:07:35,290
We finally made it. I know. And our
faces and clothes are much dirtier than

120
00:07:35,290 --> 00:07:38,030
we started. So that means the journey
was lengthy and difficult.

121
00:07:42,710 --> 00:07:45,550
Now we just got to throw the earring
into the fire.

122
00:07:45,910 --> 00:07:52,050
Oh, no.

123
00:07:52,350 --> 00:07:56,250
It's the one true lord of the earring,
Harrison Ford.

124
00:07:59,710 --> 00:08:05,730
Yes, Harrison, throw it into the fire.
That's the last thing Thoron wants,

125
00:08:05,730 --> 00:08:08,970
is why he built a convenient land bridge
to the fire.

126
00:08:10,650 --> 00:08:11,650
What?

127
00:08:13,610 --> 00:08:14,790
You're so dumb.

128
00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:18,290
It's done.

129
00:08:24,460 --> 00:08:28,840
Hey, so I kind of need to go die with
the pressures. All I ask is that my

130
00:08:28,840 --> 00:08:31,820
scene be accompanied by a piece of very
dramatic film score.

131
00:08:36,539 --> 00:08:40,380
Oh, come on, man.

132
00:08:45,100 --> 00:08:51,880
Welcome back, and big thanks to all the

133
00:08:51,880 --> 00:08:53,580
viewers still sending us DMs.

134
00:08:53,870 --> 00:08:56,810
Viewer Gail Kay writes, Have y 'all been
to space?

135
00:08:57,150 --> 00:08:58,510
Okay, now that's a bit tone deaf.

136
00:08:58,770 --> 00:09:02,890
Viewer Ryan asks, How did the Griffin
family get to Quahog in the first place?

137
00:09:03,030 --> 00:09:07,610
Funny story. The Griffins' pioneer
ancestors actually traveled to Quahog on

138
00:09:07,610 --> 00:09:08,610
Oregon Trail.

139
00:09:08,690 --> 00:09:10,410
The other way. Let's watch.

140
00:09:20,110 --> 00:09:22,470
Good evening and welcome to Channel 5
News, Oregon.

141
00:09:22,810 --> 00:09:27,790
Coming up, moss, and lots of it. But
first, in summer trends, there's an all

142
00:09:27,790 --> 00:09:31,790
-new race to be unjustifiably prejudiced
against, and it's called Chinese.

143
00:09:32,610 --> 00:09:37,390
Man, Oregon sucks so bad. For a state
called the Beaver State, this place is a

144
00:09:37,390 --> 00:09:38,390
sausage fest.

145
00:09:38,530 --> 00:09:39,550
I'm with Pioneer Chris.

146
00:09:39,830 --> 00:09:43,550
Having to pay for everything in otter
pelts is a hassle. Also, the megs keep

147
00:09:43,550 --> 00:09:44,550
dying.

148
00:09:47,790 --> 00:09:51,670
You, you're the inside mid now. The rest
of you come bury your sister very

149
00:09:51,670 --> 00:09:57,090
shallowly. You know, I hear tell of a
majestic territory somewhere out yonder

150
00:09:57,090 --> 00:09:58,930
called Quahog, Rhode Island.

151
00:09:59,390 --> 00:10:00,770
Ooh, I've heard the same.

152
00:10:01,090 --> 00:10:05,830
They say there's a whole small world out
east with minimal land just ripe for

153
00:10:05,830 --> 00:10:06,569
the taking.

154
00:10:06,570 --> 00:10:07,990
Why, it's the American destiny.

155
00:10:08,270 --> 00:10:09,270
Manifest retreat.

156
00:10:09,710 --> 00:10:12,370
Oregon's not so bad, guys. What about
the microbrews?

157
00:10:15,830 --> 00:10:18,070
Silly beer. We're staying in Oregon.

158
00:10:18,290 --> 00:10:23,470
And finally, tonight in sports, hope is
high for Oregon's premier athlete, Steve

159
00:10:23,470 --> 00:10:25,950
Pre -Pre -Pre -Pre Fontaine. We're
leaving.

160
00:10:32,870 --> 00:10:34,750
Ah, the journey begins.

161
00:10:35,050 --> 00:10:37,510
And we've already lost a Meg to
dysentery.

162
00:10:38,990 --> 00:10:42,530
Please, just don't put the cause of
death on my tombstone.

163
00:10:42,810 --> 00:10:44,730
Nah, people need to know you died gross.

164
00:10:46,370 --> 00:10:48,790
Explosive feels like an unnecessary
detail.

165
00:10:53,570 --> 00:10:57,130
How's the Oregon Trail going for
everyone so far, huh?

166
00:10:57,470 --> 00:10:59,210
Are we having a good Oregon Trail?

167
00:10:59,450 --> 00:11:00,950
Let me know when you need snacks.

168
00:11:01,490 --> 00:11:04,050
Brian, does this Stewie want to kill
Lois?

169
00:11:04,290 --> 00:11:07,410
Uh, I don't know. Yeah, I'm not really
sure what the rules are. I think I'm

170
00:11:07,410 --> 00:11:09,250
going to kind of lay low until this one
finishes.

171
00:11:10,400 --> 00:11:12,600
Oh, no, we weren't counting on this
river.

172
00:11:12,920 --> 00:11:14,740
Is there some way around it?

173
00:11:15,020 --> 00:11:18,660
I don't know. Maybe we could check the
map. Oh, yeah, let's check the very

174
00:11:18,660 --> 00:11:19,680
helpful map.

175
00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:23,520
Chris. Hey, guys, while you've been
bickering, we lost another three megs.

176
00:11:25,360 --> 00:11:29,460
I mean, I guess we could use the dead
megs as a raft and float across the

177
00:11:29,680 --> 00:11:33,020
I'm being facetious, of course. I don't
think we should use the megs. One meg

178
00:11:33,020 --> 00:11:34,020
raft later.

179
00:11:42,620 --> 00:11:45,940
Hey, I think Chris is starting to lose
it. He's over there hosting a real

180
00:11:45,940 --> 00:11:47,760
housewives reunion with snowmen.

181
00:11:48,220 --> 00:11:52,040
Okay, let her talk. We're gonna let her
talk, and then we're gonna hear what

182
00:11:52,040 --> 00:11:53,040
you're trying to say.

183
00:11:53,340 --> 00:11:56,820
We're in real trouble, guys. If we don't
find a way off this mountain like now,

184
00:11:56,980 --> 00:11:57,980
we're gonna die up here.

185
00:11:58,200 --> 00:12:01,140
All right, give me one second. I'm gonna
go pray on this, because human brains

186
00:12:01,140 --> 00:12:02,260
are stupid back now.

187
00:12:05,340 --> 00:12:08,940
God, it's me, Peter Griffin's pioneer
ancestor.

188
00:12:09,440 --> 00:12:11,760
My family is lost, and we need your
help.

189
00:12:12,160 --> 00:12:16,900
Please send an angel who will deliver us
to safety in Rhode Island. God, if you

190
00:12:16,900 --> 00:12:21,120
do this for us, I promise to stop
kicking over grave markers I see on the

191
00:12:21,120 --> 00:12:22,240
of the trail. Amen.

192
00:12:23,080 --> 00:12:26,640
Peter. Oh, boy.

193
00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:31,160
Okay, God, if you could just send one
more angel. Look, I'm putting the gun

194
00:12:31,160 --> 00:12:34,700
down. And maybe he could come out in
front of me where it's not a surprise.

195
00:12:35,260 --> 00:12:36,260
Hey.

196
00:12:36,620 --> 00:12:39,160
Hey, man. Look, just... Be cool, all
right?

197
00:12:39,540 --> 00:12:43,020
I'm just going to do a pioneer miracle
for you and your family, all right?

198
00:12:43,320 --> 00:12:44,680
Nobody else needs to get hurt.

199
00:12:44,880 --> 00:12:46,080
You already shot Jerry.

200
00:12:46,400 --> 00:12:48,580
He had a name. Now I feel worse.

201
00:12:48,880 --> 00:12:51,420
He didn't have a family, though, right?
Angels don't have families.

202
00:12:51,880 --> 00:12:52,880
Let's just do this.

203
00:13:02,580 --> 00:13:05,140
There. That's Quahog, Rhode Island.

204
00:13:05,600 --> 00:13:09,270
Sweet! Hey, guys, come on. I found
Quahog all by myself.

205
00:13:12,070 --> 00:13:17,350
Ten points for Peter Griffin. That puts
Griffin at 620 points total, a new

206
00:13:17,350 --> 00:13:18,390
Oregon Trail record.

207
00:13:21,210 --> 00:13:22,210
Well,

208
00:13:24,770 --> 00:13:29,410
family, we made it. And with just one
meg to spare. Welcome home, everyone.

209
00:13:29,870 --> 00:13:32,330
Peanut, doesn't this house belong to
someone else?

210
00:13:32,610 --> 00:13:33,610
Not for long.

211
00:13:34,090 --> 00:13:39,030
Hey, guys, you had 1 ,000 years to
invent guns, and you didn't, so sorry.

212
00:13:41,470 --> 00:13:45,630
I know, I know this sucks, but all of
America did this, so it's not just me,

213
00:13:45,630 --> 00:13:46,389
it's okay.

214
00:13:46,390 --> 00:13:47,410
Ah, terrific.

215
00:13:47,690 --> 00:13:49,970
Let's never teach about that in our
schools.

216
00:13:50,310 --> 00:13:53,010
Oh, that's kind of a sad ending for
Native Americans.

217
00:13:53,370 --> 00:13:57,150
Eh, it's not so bad. In 200 years,
what's left of the Doobie Brothers is

218
00:13:57,150 --> 00:13:58,150
play at their casino.

219
00:13:58,270 --> 00:14:00,650
Well, it's good to finally be settled in
New England.

220
00:14:00,910 --> 00:14:02,470
Yeah, but you better get going.

221
00:14:02,790 --> 00:14:07,080
Why? Because the only profession in 19th
century New England is being soaking

222
00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:08,380
wet on a whaling boat.

223
00:14:11,160 --> 00:14:16,720
It is a whale. That's not the one
specific whale that made me angry a few

224
00:14:16,720 --> 00:14:20,240
back. Oh, God. New England stinks until
Tom Brady.

225
00:14:25,460 --> 00:14:28,720
Welcome back. The DMs from viewers are
still rolling in.

226
00:14:29,050 --> 00:14:33,410
Javier writes, hey guys, since the
Cleveland show was such a big success, I

227
00:14:33,410 --> 00:14:37,250
wonder if you've considered giving
Quagmire a show of his own. Well,

228
00:14:37,250 --> 00:14:41,450
success might be overly charitable, but
as it happens, Quagmire actually did

229
00:14:41,450 --> 00:14:45,750
have his very own variety show back in
the 1960s. We've tracked down the only

230
00:14:45,750 --> 00:14:46,750
existing episode.

231
00:14:47,050 --> 00:14:48,050
Let's check it out.

232
00:14:51,920 --> 00:14:55,420
Hey gang, I'm Glenn Quagmire and this is
the Giggity Good Time Hour.

233
00:14:55,620 --> 00:14:59,260
Let's open the show as we always do by
totally ruining a current song.

234
00:15:01,240 --> 00:15:08,000
This one has got some very large
boobies. That one has got a very nice

235
00:15:08,300 --> 00:15:14,520
They all are dancing very close to me.
That's why I say, Giggity.

236
00:15:18,420 --> 00:15:20,940
Thanks, hon. Keep them coming till the
70s get here.

237
00:15:21,460 --> 00:15:23,300
Whoa, how'd you all get in my house?

238
00:15:24,640 --> 00:15:28,680
The implication being that I've had so
much to drink, I don't know where I am.

239
00:15:28,860 --> 00:15:31,860
But no, I don't have a pricking problem,
a drinking problem.

240
00:15:37,300 --> 00:15:38,300
Oh,

241
00:15:41,460 --> 00:15:44,720
we got a great show for you tonight. Now
stay tuned while I vamp with this piece

242
00:15:44,720 --> 00:15:47,840
of on -set furniture, and that somehow
counts as entertainment.

243
00:15:48,540 --> 00:15:49,540
Whoa,

244
00:15:49,680 --> 00:15:50,680
whoa, whoa!

245
00:15:51,470 --> 00:15:53,470
Have you ever seen such furniture?

246
00:15:53,770 --> 00:15:54,770
Oh, boy!

247
00:15:54,890 --> 00:15:56,670
We are having a wild time tonight.

248
00:15:57,190 --> 00:16:01,070
Whoa! Hey, won't somebody help me with
this crazy couch?

249
00:16:03,340 --> 00:16:07,700
You're watching the Glenn Quagmire
Giggity Good Time Hour with special

250
00:16:07,700 --> 00:16:13,440
Orson Welles, Tiny Tech, the Little
Person Cowboy, the Giggity Good Time

251
00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:17,040
and the winner of the Man Booker Prize
for Narrative Nonfiction, Professor

252
00:16:17,040 --> 00:16:19,280
Sherrod Feinblatt of Cornell University.

253
00:16:19,620 --> 00:16:21,520
Brought to you by DuPont Chemical.

254
00:16:21,980 --> 00:16:24,460
DuPont, thank God you can't Google us
yet.

255
00:16:28,650 --> 00:16:31,870
Thanks, doll. This is almost it for me.
Just 18 more, okay?

256
00:16:32,590 --> 00:16:36,610
Because I drink so much, 18 drinks feels
like not that many drinks.

257
00:16:36,850 --> 00:16:40,010
Stop saying the premise of the joke you
just said. Just tell the joke.

258
00:16:40,970 --> 00:16:43,670
Oh, somebody's at the Giggity Good Time
door.

259
00:16:44,650 --> 00:16:46,930
I'm sure it's not something wild and
outrageous.

260
00:16:48,350 --> 00:16:51,450
What? This is the last thing I expected
to see.

261
00:16:52,490 --> 00:16:53,690
They just keep coming.

262
00:16:54,110 --> 00:16:55,730
Look at all this. Wow.

263
00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:03,680
This is a wild... Hey, freaking easy,
buddy.

264
00:17:04,099 --> 00:17:07,339
Idiot. Oh, so many bad people.

265
00:17:07,579 --> 00:17:08,819
Noise equals fun.

266
00:17:09,040 --> 00:17:10,819
What could possibly be zanier?

267
00:17:12,760 --> 00:17:16,260
We hope you're enjoying the Glenn
Quagmire Giggity Good Time Hour.

268
00:17:16,560 --> 00:17:20,619
Sponsored by Housewife Screaming Bags.
We know you're frustrated, ladies.

269
00:17:20,819 --> 00:17:22,060
Scream into this bag.

270
00:17:22,380 --> 00:17:26,119
And now, here's Glenn with the only
reasonably attractive zookeeper in the

271
00:17:26,119 --> 00:17:27,119
Western Hemisphere.

272
00:17:27,920 --> 00:17:28,920
Now, who's this guy?

273
00:17:29,060 --> 00:17:33,540
This is Chloe. She's seven years old.
And don't worry, she only panics around

274
00:17:33,540 --> 00:17:36,100
cigarette smoke and hair tonic. Oh, boy.

275
00:17:36,560 --> 00:17:41,620
This reminds me of my weekend at Lake
George with Ava Gardner. Go to break.

276
00:17:41,620 --> 00:17:43,180
it away, Smokey the sock puppet.

277
00:17:43,460 --> 00:17:48,200
The Glenn Quagmire Giggity Good Time
Hour will be back in just a minute. No

278
00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:49,580
ands, or buts.

279
00:17:57,260 --> 00:17:58,840
And we're back with the lovely Dr.

280
00:17:59,060 --> 00:18:03,120
Sharon Feinblatt, here to talk about her
new book. Now, what is it, Sharon? It's

281
00:18:03,120 --> 00:18:07,320
called Days of Disorder, Weimar Germany
and the Birth of Modernity.

282
00:18:07,760 --> 00:18:10,040
Fascinating. Get up and give us a little
spin, would you?

283
00:18:10,360 --> 00:18:11,960
Uh, um, what?

284
00:18:12,960 --> 00:18:16,940
Nah, I'm just joshing. Please go on
while I bite my fist in a caricature of

285
00:18:16,940 --> 00:18:17,940
sexual longing.

286
00:18:18,110 --> 00:18:23,310
So, um, my book posits that on its own
merits, Weimar, Germany was a

287
00:18:23,310 --> 00:18:25,170
laboratory of cultural innovation.

288
00:18:25,630 --> 00:18:28,170
Great. And can you share some of the
recipes from the book?

289
00:18:28,530 --> 00:18:29,530
Excuse me?

290
00:18:29,690 --> 00:18:33,930
The joke being that if a woman wrote a
book in these times, it's obviously a

291
00:18:33,930 --> 00:18:35,330
cookbook. You're doing it again.

292
00:18:35,550 --> 00:18:39,330
This was a mistake. I am leaving. And
you should see a doctor about your

293
00:18:39,330 --> 00:18:40,750
sweating. It's a real problem.

294
00:18:41,070 --> 00:18:43,990
Oh, come on. You haven't even danced in
the giant birdcage yet.

295
00:18:44,949 --> 00:18:48,930
Please give Dr. Feinblatt a big hand
while I scream at an off -screen

296
00:18:49,650 --> 00:18:50,810
Who booked that person?

297
00:18:51,150 --> 00:18:55,290
No! No, Roy! You can't just show me a
picture, and I say yes, and then you

298
00:18:55,290 --> 00:18:59,170
tell me what she's about, Roy. Do your
job, Roy. Stay tuned for more of the

299
00:18:59,170 --> 00:19:03,150
Glenn Quagmire Giggity Good Time Hour,
brought to you by Milk at Dinner.

300
00:19:03,370 --> 00:19:07,450
It's still the 60s, so wash down your
dinner with a big glass of milk like a

301
00:19:07,450 --> 00:19:08,450
psychopath.

302
00:19:11,580 --> 00:19:13,000
Mr. Quagmire, Dr.

303
00:19:13,260 --> 00:19:18,440
Dentist Orson Welles will see you now.
My God, I played King Lear in the West

304
00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:21,460
End. Yeah, well, I'd like to leer at her
West End.

305
00:19:23,300 --> 00:19:28,640
Doctor, I brought... Hey, guys, guys,
not this one, okay? This is my niece.

306
00:19:28,900 --> 00:19:31,580
She's in this sketch as a favor to my
brother, all right?

307
00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:32,920
Go ahead, Denise.

308
00:19:32,960 --> 00:19:34,220
I brought the patient's bill.

309
00:19:36,460 --> 00:19:37,720
Can you imagine?

310
00:19:37,960 --> 00:19:39,900
This will be so expensive.

311
00:19:40,360 --> 00:19:42,080
Oh, my God. It just keeps going.

312
00:19:42,620 --> 00:19:45,440
Have you ever? It's just the craziest.

313
00:19:45,780 --> 00:19:49,300
Well, ladies and gentlemen, our time is
up. And not just our time for this

314
00:19:49,300 --> 00:19:53,980
episode. The entire 1960s have
concluded. And the 70s will have no time

315
00:19:53,980 --> 00:19:58,120
this. So for now, how drippy can one guy
be?

316
00:19:59,080 --> 00:20:01,680
Three pints of moisture on me.

317
00:20:02,580 --> 00:20:04,220
And you're asking, I bet.

318
00:20:04,860 --> 00:20:06,860
Why is he looking so wet?

319
00:20:07,100 --> 00:20:09,760
These lights are very hot, ladies and
gentlemen. Good night.

320
00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:14,520
Thanks for watching the Glenn Quagmire
Diggity Good Time Hour. Brought to you

321
00:20:14,520 --> 00:20:19,900
Stepson Beating Belt. He's not your son,
but he'll do what you say with Stepson

322
00:20:19,900 --> 00:20:20,900
Beating Belt.

323
00:20:23,790 --> 00:20:27,270
Well, we've had a good time tonight. But
as you can see, our bow ties are now

324
00:20:27,270 --> 00:20:31,430
undone and our shirt collars are open,
which indicates the end of a long, crazy

325
00:20:31,430 --> 00:20:35,590
night. I said stop doing that. Thanks to
everyone who sent in DMs and to any

326
00:20:35,590 --> 00:20:39,490
female fans who got direct responses
from me last night, I was hacked. We

327
00:20:39,490 --> 00:20:41,870
you enjoyed the show and... What?

328
00:20:42,190 --> 00:20:45,650
Who could possibly be knocking at the
Stewie Griffin Super Fun Door?

329
00:20:45,970 --> 00:20:47,790
Oh, this better not be something crazy.

330
00:20:49,480 --> 00:20:51,040
Oh, what a delightful surprise.

331
00:20:51,420 --> 00:20:53,940
Oh, my goodness. They just keep coming
and coming.

332
00:20:54,180 --> 00:20:58,200
Oh, there's so many of them. Have you
ever been so entertained?